Sometimes roses really smell like 💩

Plenty of us have friends, right? We love the ones that provide us with positive affirmations, cheer us on when we’re doing well, tell us everything we want to hear and are all-around there to root for US.

Real friends are supposed to be your biggest cheerleaders and it definitely feels good to receive the praise.

But, it’s equally important for us to know when and where we fall short and where there’s room to improve. We need to hear some real hard truths.

As the great philosophers, OutKast, once said:

“I know you’d like to think your 💩 don’t stank but lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like poo-ooo-oo.”

Truth is, we’re not perfect. I know I’m not.

• I’m not pleasant when I’m hungry
• I give more than I have
• Sometimes my delivery is brash
• I take things personal when I shouldn’t
• I think about what other people think of me way more than I should
• I overthink — I’ll over-think myself right out of a good opportunity (true life: I once talked myself out of a free trip to Dubai with my former job)
• I have great ideas but struggle/take too much time to move them through the process

I am so imperfect.

Learning to become my best self means learning parts of my personality that I may not like, areas of improvement and the difference between the two.

Two years ago, as part of the interview process with my current employer, I completed a Core Values Index, which was used to determine my highest and best use of information. This assessment also helps the candidate learn more about his/herself and how he/she can be more effective in both personal and professional relationships. For the employer, it also helps to see how their personalities/decision-making fits in with their potential colleagues.

I took the assessment, received and read the results, but didn’t give it much thought beyond that day because I didn’t think anyone could tell me anything about myself that I didn’t already know.

Two years later, I stumbled upon the results again and read that one of my challenging attributes is that I am stubborn. Ha!

I read on to see that the assessment put into context, some of the attributes that I already identified with. According to the CVI, my core energies are Innovator (wisdom) and Merchant (love), which means (in their words):

• Understanding and compassion are central to my life strategy
• I like to consider all options
• It’s important for me to watch, look and listen before I act
• I see formalities as boring and restrictive
• I need someone to assist me on settling on a solution and seeing it through
• I can get lost in the rapture of exploring big picture considerations

What was equally important to finding this information — and what should be equally important to everyone — was learning how to find balance with these challenges in my personal and professional relationships.

I am beginning to notice that the attributes of my friends and colleagues that I find to be working against me, could actually be working with me and for me.

Friends who push against my stubborn ways are helping me to realize that there could be a different, better solution to the problem I’m trying to solve.

Colleagues who pose specific lines of questioning to my ideas may just be trying to get me to see the idea all the way through the process.

Many things that I may view as unnecessary formalities are put in place to encourage me to focus on the small details that I may have overlooked.

And now… I realize that I probably could’ve saved myself a few moments of frustration had I seriously read and internalized the assessment two years ago.

But I already admitted that I’m imperfect.

The truth about growing is that you never stop. We are constantly learning how we and those around us naturally participate in this world. Learning more about who we are — the good, bad and indifferent — allows us to bring the best of our authentic selves to every situation.

Giving a why to even your least admirable traits can help point you in the direction to find balance.

So, appreciate the positive feedback but also understand that you are not without flaws. Be open to friends, family and colleagues who productively call you out on your 💩.

I may seem like I’m pushing back, but I promise it’s working.