Stop asking for permission.

I’m writing this as I sit on an airplane, peeking in and out of a book that’s quickly becoming one of my favorites. No kidding, I probably reference it everyday in conversation. It’s definitely a page turner but no matter how interesting a book is, reading in or on a moving object — car, bus, train or plane — just makes me sleepy. So, please excuse any typos or grammatical errors. — blame it on the turbulence.

Nevertheless, the book has got me thinking… and here is the result of that.

As children, we are taught to ask for permission to do almost everything.

“Can I have this snack?”

“Can I go outside and play?”

“Can I watch this movie?”

“Can I hang out with my friends?”

We’re taught to ask first, mainly because there is someone else who is responsible for our livelihood and our well-being. The responsibility of parents is to basically keep their child alive because their young minds don’t yet know what’s best for them. At the age of 18, we technically become adults and are therefore responsible for ourselves and are no longer required to seek permission… technically.

Some of us are so conditioned to ask for permission that even when we turn into adults, we struggle to realize that the only person that we need to get permission from is ourselves.

After three decades of life on this earth, I’ve realized I’ve spent the last decade and a half waiting for someone to give me permission to do the things I want to do and be the person I want to be.

For what? From whom?

It feels like I’ve been playing a long game of hide-and-seek. You know that type of game where you find the perfect hiding place… a hiding place so good that literally NO ONE finds you? Round after round, people search and search and then they stop looking for you… and you realize that… this isn’t fun! You actually want to be found. So, eventually, you purposely step out of your perfect hiding place, giving yourself up… allowing yourself to be seen.

That’s been my life. I’ve been waiting for someone to find me, tag me in the game, make me “it,” for so long and I’m slowly stepping out of my safe place.

The truth is, I realized this very thing: NO ONE is going to give you permission to be who you want to be in this world and no one is going to exhaust themselves looking for you to give you an opportunity.

Be seen.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine shared on Facebook, some advice she was given. Little did she know that the words were speaking to way more than originally intended. Here’s the note:

My dear sister…

A big part of self love is having the courage to allow yourself to be “seen”.

Oh the masks we wear.. the shifts we make in how we show up

Based on the desire to fit in

The fear of being judged

Being scared to own and speak our truth

But all that does…

Is ensure that we never truly know you

And more importantly — you never truly know yourself

And get to see all that you were capable of

If you’d mustered the courage to allow yourself to be seen.

I know there are plenty of people just like me, who have dimmed their light for too long and this is as much for me as it is for them. Writing out my self-realizations is more therapeutic than it is meant to be “advice.”

Walk out of your safe place and share more of yourself — your brilliance, your light, your humor and your story — with the world.

You already have the permission you seek.